a platonic friendship sours
Carol is a separated single mom and when her children turned 13 and 14 she had an urge to spread her wings, get back into the swing of life and do some good old-fashioned dating, but first she had to get a social life and was delighted when Ken, a charming man-about-town, took her under his wing and offered to introduce her into the party scene on a strictly platonic basis.
“All was going well until his kind invitations to tag along with him to functions and parties started to overwhelm me - every other night was a bit too much," laughs Carol. "I know I had a lot of catching up to do on the social scene, but I still had a fairly demanding job and two teenagers to look after."
“Also, the way Ken had started to jokingly refer to me as his ‘lady’ was ringing my alarm bells and when he finally professed love for her after three short weeks I was shocked,” says Carol. "I really didn't believe a word Ken said. I did not see love in his eyes, I did not see lust either, but then I was not looking for either so I could have missed the cues - but I don't believe I did."
"What I did start seeing, though, was a delusional man and this disturbed me," says Carol. "How can anyone claim to be in love with someone who hasn't shown the slightest bit of sexual interest in them and had offered me friendship on a purely platonic basis?”
All was going well until his kind invitations to tag along with him to functions and parties started to overwhelm her. "Every other night was a bit too much," laughs Carol. "I know I had a lot of catching up to do on the social scene, but I still had a fairly demanding job and two teenagers to look after."
Carol turned to her boss, John, for advice and he suggested that Ken might think she was playing hard to get, rather than being strictly on the level from the start about wanting friendship, nothing more. She then broached the topic with Ken and was aghast when he confessed to being in love with her and holding the belief that, in time, she would learn to love him.
"I had only known him for three weeks," laughs Carol, "and my intentions had been absolutely specific from the start. His confession really annoyed and disturbed me."
"I felt a curious mixture of anger and compassion towards him," explains Carol. "I told Ken as kindly as I could that he was wasting his time and that I had meant every word I said when we had first met - that I was not interested in a relationship, with him or anyone else."
"I also told him that I had just broken up with a long-term married lover and I desperately needed to get out and about and meet lots of new people."
Driving her point home further, Carol then made it plain to Ken that she felt absolutely no attraction towards him whatsoever and felt it was grossly unfair of him to masquerade as a friend and burden her with this nonsense at a time when she was testing her wings.
"Ken went very quiet when I confronted him," says Carol, "and then he surprised me by saying that he clearly understood my position from the start and didn't mean to fall in love with me, he just did, and hoped against all odds that I would reciprocate."
"He then declared his situation to be a classic case of unrequited love - a declaration I found to be a bit dramatic - and then he said that under the circumstances it would be better if we didn't see each other again."
"I was relying on Ken to squire me about town so I was very upset by what had happened between us " says Carol. "After Ken went out of my life the wind went out of my sails."
"I just sat home wondering what I should do next." "I feared that if I went out alone again I would only find another Ken and go through a similar situation," says Carol, "and I just couldn't bear the thought of that happening again."
Within weeks of her confrontation with Ken, Carol drifted back to her arrangement with John and he was delighted.
"My experience with Ken only served to make me appreciate more the arrangement I had with John," confesses Carol. "Sure, I'm missing out on an exciting social life and probably lots of other things, too, but the price of those things was too high."
It never occurred to Carol to ask herself the price she's paying for her arrangement with her married boss,John.
Read more about Carol:
an arrangement with the boss
“All was going well until his kind invitations to tag along with him to functions and parties started to overwhelm me - every other night was a bit too much," laughs Carol. "I know I had a lot of catching up to do on the social scene, but I still had a fairly demanding job and two teenagers to look after."
“Also, the way Ken had started to jokingly refer to me as his ‘lady’ was ringing my alarm bells and when he finally professed love for her after three short weeks I was shocked,” says Carol. "I really didn't believe a word Ken said. I did not see love in his eyes, I did not see lust either, but then I was not looking for either so I could have missed the cues - but I don't believe I did."
"What I did start seeing, though, was a delusional man and this disturbed me," says Carol. "How can anyone claim to be in love with someone who hasn't shown the slightest bit of sexual interest in them and had offered me friendship on a purely platonic basis?”
All was going well until his kind invitations to tag along with him to functions and parties started to overwhelm her. "Every other night was a bit too much," laughs Carol. "I know I had a lot of catching up to do on the social scene, but I still had a fairly demanding job and two teenagers to look after."
Carol turned to her boss, John, for advice and he suggested that Ken might think she was playing hard to get, rather than being strictly on the level from the start about wanting friendship, nothing more. She then broached the topic with Ken and was aghast when he confessed to being in love with her and holding the belief that, in time, she would learn to love him.
"I had only known him for three weeks," laughs Carol, "and my intentions had been absolutely specific from the start. His confession really annoyed and disturbed me."
"I felt a curious mixture of anger and compassion towards him," explains Carol. "I told Ken as kindly as I could that he was wasting his time and that I had meant every word I said when we had first met - that I was not interested in a relationship, with him or anyone else."
"I also told him that I had just broken up with a long-term married lover and I desperately needed to get out and about and meet lots of new people."
Driving her point home further, Carol then made it plain to Ken that she felt absolutely no attraction towards him whatsoever and felt it was grossly unfair of him to masquerade as a friend and burden her with this nonsense at a time when she was testing her wings.
"Ken went very quiet when I confronted him," says Carol, "and then he surprised me by saying that he clearly understood my position from the start and didn't mean to fall in love with me, he just did, and hoped against all odds that I would reciprocate."
"He then declared his situation to be a classic case of unrequited love - a declaration I found to be a bit dramatic - and then he said that under the circumstances it would be better if we didn't see each other again."
"I was relying on Ken to squire me about town so I was very upset by what had happened between us " says Carol. "After Ken went out of my life the wind went out of my sails."
"I just sat home wondering what I should do next." "I feared that if I went out alone again I would only find another Ken and go through a similar situation," says Carol, "and I just couldn't bear the thought of that happening again."
Within weeks of her confrontation with Ken, Carol drifted back to her arrangement with John and he was delighted.
"My experience with Ken only served to make me appreciate more the arrangement I had with John," confesses Carol. "Sure, I'm missing out on an exciting social life and probably lots of other things, too, but the price of those things was too high."
It never occurred to Carol to ask herself the price she's paying for her arrangement with her married boss,John.
Read more about Carol:
Labels: arrangements, dating, love, platonic friendship, social life, work
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