kudos victimization
Valerie is the youngest of three girls, and being the prettiest she learned very early in life all about kudos victimization
"Kudos," explains Valerie "is like points scoring and you can only gain it by victimizing someone smarter than you – or richer than you, or whatever – so being a kudos victim isn’t such a bad thing, but it can be if you don’t have an intuitive understanding of why it happens.”
“My sisters always scored points off me when they put me down, but I knew why they were doing it – it was the only way they could feel superior to me,” says Valerie. "Cinderella and the Ugly Sisters was the theme of my childhood and I survived their stupid kudos victimization by being good natured about why they were doing it.”
"Because I was constantly put down by my sisters for no other reason than I was prettier than they were, I was prepared, in a way, for the time guys came into my life.”
“Unfortunately, most guys just wanted to date me because I was pretty, not because they genuinely cared for me,” says Valerie. “They gained kudos from dating a pretty girl, and I just felt sorry for them because I knew why they were doing it.”
"What a manipulator wants from you is generally something that he doesn’t have in large measure himself, if at all," says Valerie. "His payoff may be tangible - such as sex, money or social contacts - but it's often just kudos that these guys want – point scoring off you – and it gets a bit tedious at times.”
"Kudos can be either public or private," explains Valerie "There's a difference between humiliating you in public and doing the same thing in private."
“I’m not only pretty but quite tall as well,” says Valerie. “I once dated a short guy who became increasingly arrogant and nasty towards me, and I felt that he simply gained ‘height’ from cutting me down to size. What a jerk!”
"After that experience," laughs Valerie, "I never went out with short men again and I am very wary of dealing with them even now that I’m happily married to a guy who doesn’t need to score points off me in any way whatsoever.”
Read more by Valerie on this subject:
finding love at work
kudos guys
"Kudos," explains Valerie "is like points scoring and you can only gain it by victimizing someone smarter than you – or richer than you, or whatever – so being a kudos victim isn’t such a bad thing, but it can be if you don’t have an intuitive understanding of why it happens.”
“My sisters always scored points off me when they put me down, but I knew why they were doing it – it was the only way they could feel superior to me,” says Valerie. "Cinderella and the Ugly Sisters was the theme of my childhood and I survived their stupid kudos victimization by being good natured about why they were doing it.”
"Because I was constantly put down by my sisters for no other reason than I was prettier than they were, I was prepared, in a way, for the time guys came into my life.”
“Unfortunately, most guys just wanted to date me because I was pretty, not because they genuinely cared for me,” says Valerie. “They gained kudos from dating a pretty girl, and I just felt sorry for them because I knew why they were doing it.”
"What a manipulator wants from you is generally something that he doesn’t have in large measure himself, if at all," says Valerie. "His payoff may be tangible - such as sex, money or social contacts - but it's often just kudos that these guys want – point scoring off you – and it gets a bit tedious at times.”
"Kudos can be either public or private," explains Valerie "There's a difference between humiliating you in public and doing the same thing in private."
“I’m not only pretty but quite tall as well,” says Valerie. “I once dated a short guy who became increasingly arrogant and nasty towards me, and I felt that he simply gained ‘height’ from cutting me down to size. What a jerk!”
"After that experience," laughs Valerie, "I never went out with short men again and I am very wary of dealing with them even now that I’m happily married to a guy who doesn’t need to score points off me in any way whatsoever.”
Read more by Valerie on this subject:
Labels: intuitive understanding, kudos, points scoring, victimization
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