avoid the waiting game
Macy is 35, a single stay at home mom, and she's not a particularly impatient person but she has had so much trouble in her life with people who keep her waiting that she feels like she's starring in some surrealistic play where she's always waiting for Godot.
Macy believes that these people, mostly guys, keep her waiting to show her that their time is far more important than hers.
She is really annoyed that single moms like herself are treated by so many people -- especially men -- as nobodies.
As Macy says: "My time is as important, if not more so, than anybody else’s. I have the sole responsibility for my children, and their needs come first in my time schedule".
Macy was a sucker for waiting around for someone else to make life happen for her until she got her act together.
Her first boyfriend kept her waiting for three years in expectation of marriage, but those three years coincided very nicely with the university course he was doing - at the end of which he dumped her.
"After that experience," laughs Macy, "I won't even look at a guy if he has something ongoing in his life that is going to interfere with a relationship. And believe me, I've come across guys with all sorts of waiting excuses. There's pending insurance payouts, pending criminal charges, pending divorce, pending death of parents, pending job transfer, pending health problems, etc. You name it, I've heard it!"
Macy has successfully avoided any more long-term waiting problems, so she's now concentrating on short term time wasters.
As a rule of thumb, Macy thinks it is courteous to wait for somebody at least ten minutes - up to half an hour the first time - but if the waiting game continues, especially if it involves more than ten minutes, she definitely thinks she’s being screwed.
Macy’s last boyfriend played the waiting for Godot game so skillfully that when she told him that she had better things to do than wait for hours for him, he replied: "Oh, really, what things?"
"If the guy is a doctor or involved in emergency services then you cannot be sure that he is always late for a good reason," explains Macy. "so I try to arrive late myself. Not to screw him - just to even things out and protect the relationship."
"If your appointment is for 7pm, then take it that he will arrive at 8pm, so you make 8pm the appointment time," advises Macy, "but don't tell him because then he might arrive at 9pm and then you will definitely be screwed!"
Another facet of the waiting for Godot game is the guy who has an annoying habit of changing plans at the last minute. Macy says that he does this to put you on the spot, to unnerve you or to see how pliant you are. If it happens more than twice, Macy advises to protect yourself by refusing to agree to the new arrangement -suggesting it's either the old arrangement or no deal - or take a leaf out of his book and have a clever alternative up your sleeve to suggest to him.
However, if his change of plans involves changing his mind about going out with you that night - and he merely turns up to gloat over watching your face drop with disappointment when he could quite easily have telephoned you - then Macy advises to give this character a wide berth.
One of Macy’s previous boyfriends arranged a fancy restaurant date - for which she spent considerable time and money getting herself prepared and arranging a babysitter - and then he turned up to say he had to call the date off because his car had developed engine trouble on the way over. Macy did not believe him. He did not suggest calling a taxi, he just expected her to wear it. Macy was angry, she felt he was screwing her, and she was right. As he drove off from her place - after being told by Macy to get lost - the engine of his car was humming away beautifully.
"The most miserable waiting for Godot experience" says Macy, "is the guy who fails to turn up for a date completely. He does this to show you how totally unimportant you are to him, and to check out the depths to which you will plunge in order to see him again. Unless there is an immediate apology and he never does it again, I refuse to deal with this character."
Macy believes that these people, mostly guys, keep her waiting to show her that their time is far more important than hers.
She is really annoyed that single moms like herself are treated by so many people -- especially men -- as nobodies.
As Macy says: "My time is as important, if not more so, than anybody else’s. I have the sole responsibility for my children, and their needs come first in my time schedule".
Macy was a sucker for waiting around for someone else to make life happen for her until she got her act together.
Her first boyfriend kept her waiting for three years in expectation of marriage, but those three years coincided very nicely with the university course he was doing - at the end of which he dumped her.
"After that experience," laughs Macy, "I won't even look at a guy if he has something ongoing in his life that is going to interfere with a relationship. And believe me, I've come across guys with all sorts of waiting excuses. There's pending insurance payouts, pending criminal charges, pending divorce, pending death of parents, pending job transfer, pending health problems, etc. You name it, I've heard it!"
Macy has successfully avoided any more long-term waiting problems, so she's now concentrating on short term time wasters.
As a rule of thumb, Macy thinks it is courteous to wait for somebody at least ten minutes - up to half an hour the first time - but if the waiting game continues, especially if it involves more than ten minutes, she definitely thinks she’s being screwed.
Macy’s last boyfriend played the waiting for Godot game so skillfully that when she told him that she had better things to do than wait for hours for him, he replied: "Oh, really, what things?"
"If the guy is a doctor or involved in emergency services then you cannot be sure that he is always late for a good reason," explains Macy. "so I try to arrive late myself. Not to screw him - just to even things out and protect the relationship."
"If your appointment is for 7pm, then take it that he will arrive at 8pm, so you make 8pm the appointment time," advises Macy, "but don't tell him because then he might arrive at 9pm and then you will definitely be screwed!"
Another facet of the waiting for Godot game is the guy who has an annoying habit of changing plans at the last minute. Macy says that he does this to put you on the spot, to unnerve you or to see how pliant you are. If it happens more than twice, Macy advises to protect yourself by refusing to agree to the new arrangement -suggesting it's either the old arrangement or no deal - or take a leaf out of his book and have a clever alternative up your sleeve to suggest to him.
However, if his change of plans involves changing his mind about going out with you that night - and he merely turns up to gloat over watching your face drop with disappointment when he could quite easily have telephoned you - then Macy advises to give this character a wide berth.
One of Macy’s previous boyfriends arranged a fancy restaurant date - for which she spent considerable time and money getting herself prepared and arranging a babysitter - and then he turned up to say he had to call the date off because his car had developed engine trouble on the way over. Macy did not believe him. He did not suggest calling a taxi, he just expected her to wear it. Macy was angry, she felt he was screwing her, and she was right. As he drove off from her place - after being told by Macy to get lost - the engine of his car was humming away beautifully.
"The most miserable waiting for Godot experience" says Macy, "is the guy who fails to turn up for a date completely. He does this to show you how totally unimportant you are to him, and to check out the depths to which you will plunge in order to see him again. Unless there is an immediate apology and he never does it again, I refuse to deal with this character."
"He's looking for a doormat and I'm not going to provide it for him," says Macy. "I refuse to be humiliated and just because I'm a single mom doesn't make me a sucker."
Labels: dating, marriage, pending divorce, pending insurance payout, relationships, time wasters, waiting
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