self-help books boost survival

Ruth, 35, is in a very bad situation – being unemployed and caring for an ungrateful, tyrannical mother – and because she has no support in the community she survives by taking solace in the many self-help books and tapes she’s purchased over the years.

"From these books and tapes I’ve learned that there is no law that says a daughter has to sacrifice her life and her self-esteem for her mother," says Ruth, "and I am constantly feeding my soul with these positives in order to counteract the negatives I'm hearing from my mother, yet in my vulnerable moments I am still torn between listening to my inner guidance and listening to my mother and then I become wracked by guilt."

"I know that deep within me I do have the strength I need to take control of my life again,” confides Ruth. “I am not a child. I do not permit my mother or anyone else to take away my power and self-esteem. I do not have to tolerate negative behavior from anyone. I can leave my mother’s home any time I want to. I am not a prisoner, and my mother is not as incapacitated as she makes out she is."

“Listening to my mother nagging me to find another job had the effect of taking me back to my helpless childhood,” explains Ruth. “In a state of childlike regression, as I sank further into depression, my mother appeared to gain a strength I hadn’t seen in her for the fifteen years since I’d be working.”

“Self-help books and tapes are really helping me overcome this negative childhood socialization pattern - believing others know better than I do,” says Ruth, “and whenever I feel myself slipping into guilt, or rationalizing that my mother is not as bad as I intuitively know she is, I snap my fingers to wake me up!”

Read more of Ruth’s story:
suicidal caregiver
between job vulnerability
daughter raised to take care of mom
victimized then fired