jilted men make bad friends

Lorna, a single working mom, was on the brink of taking her first holiday in fourteen years since the kids were born when Derek from the sales department at work asked her out for dinner.

"I hesitated to accept Derek's dinner invitation because I wasn't attracted to him," confides Lorna, "but since I was on a high about going away I ignored my gut feelings and felt there could be no harm in having dinner with him."

"Derek had just broken up with a long-time girlfriend and needed a bit of company," explains Lorna, "and although I had never been out alone with him before, I thought that having dinner with him was the least I could do to help cheer him up."

"It really is a mistake to think of not hurting the other person's feelings" explains Lorna, "but I trusted that Derek liked me well enough as a friend - and valued our platonic friendship sufficiently - not to spoil it by doing something silly."

However, Lorna was to discover that a friendly dinner to celebrate her forthcoming trip was not what Derek had in mind.

"For someone who is always groomed and dressed impeccably, always punctual, always seen in the very best places and always plans everything to the finest detail," laughs Lorna, "imagine my shock when Derek arrived an hour late at my place, looking like an old tramp and casually asked me "Any places to eat around here?"

"I truly hadn't felt like going out that night and I had made a special effort to feed the kids early and put on a nice dress because I didn't want to insult him by not changing out of my work clothes," says Lorna.

"I really resented the thought of driving around trying to find a place to eat when I was hungry, and had far more important things to do with my life than hang around waiting for people to show up."

"I felt hurt and angry that he'd treat me so shabbily," confides Lorna. "I had only agreed to dinner on his insistence so as not to hurt his feelings and I told him that if this is his idea of taking me out for dinner then let's forget it."

"Derek just laughed and said I was making a big deal about nothing," relates Lorna, "so I gave him the benefit of the doubt - another big mistake - and after telling the kids that I would be home before 11pm, I left with Derek and after a bit of driving around we luckily we found a local restaurant that had a spare table."

"I felt ashamed to be seen out with him," confesses Lorna. "He looked awful. I desperately hoped that nobody I knew would see me with him. The evening had started badly and worse was in store for me!"

When they were seated and settled with drinks, Derek started what was to become a constant barrage of uncharacteristically rude and belligerent behavior.

Lorna's smoking had never bothered Derek before - she was one of many smokers at work - but when she lit up he made a big fuss waving smoke away from the table and loudly declaring it to be a filthy habit.

"We were in the smoking area of an al fresco restaurant, and other people smoking nearby understandably glared at him," explains Lorna.

"He then started criticizing just about everything about me, my aims, my lifestyle, my lack of a husband, etc., but what really upset me was the subtle way he tried to spoil my forthcoming trip overseas."

"Derek proclaimed that I going at the wrong time of year, I was flying with the wrong airline, and I would be mugged or raped traveling alone," explains Lorna. "And then he started on a series of snide comments in relation to a man I might be traveling with, or meeting overseas, for some passionate interlude."

This trip overseas was something Lorna had dreamed about and had planned for years, and there she was sitting opposite this man, trapped, absolutely aghast, listening to him trying to spoil everything for her - six days before she was due to leave.

Before the main course arrived, the penny had dropped.

"Derek's dinner invitation had been set up to entrap me and insult me," explains Lorna. "Why? Don't ask me - but I suppose he was projecting all his anger at his girlfriend on to me and I suppose he was also jealous that I was going away and he wasn't. I think the psychologists call it transference or something."

Not wanting to create a scene, or show him that she was overly offended by anything he said, Lorna kept calm and friendly, thanked him for the lovely dinner, refused dessert, claimed tiredness and said she would find her own way home - and left!

"I have to face Derek at work so there was no point in getting hot and bothered about the way he treated me," explains Lorna. "I just put the incident down to experience and won't be accepting any more dinner dates from men at work and especially those I'm not attracted to!"