smelling roses in limbo

Amy is 41, a single mother with two independent children living at home, and she's currently experiencing a very long 'in-between jobs' period.

Limbo is the term that Amy uses for those times in her life when she is at a full stop, when she is stuck in some seemingly unhappy situation and just cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel. She's in a limbo situation right now and because she's been there before she's coping very well and inspiring other unemployed women to keep their spirits up.

"In this limbo state," says Amy, "we get to do a lot of soul-searching, asking questions, seeking guidance and generally wondering about what lies ahead."

Although nothing appears to be happening, Amy is adamant that something is happening.

"Limbo is the universe's way of telling us to stop, think and sort ourselves out." explains Amy. "We know we want a new direction, a new job, a new guy, or whatever, but the universe knows better. It puts us into limbo for a purpose."

"The purpose of limbo," says Amy, "is the universe's way of getting us to stop for a while - to dream, think, analyze, smell roses - and do nothing rash to change our situation. We may wish someone would tell us what to do, or show us where to go - yet the universe is doing just that!"

"The something that is happening," says Amy, "is a necessary transition period we must all go through in order to be ready for a new direction. When we are ready, it will happen. Everything will fall into place."

Amy maintains that the most helpful thing we can do during these limbo periods is to go back in time and relate what is happening now to a similar limbo situation in the past.

For instance, Amy's present limbo started when she quit a permanent high-status, high paying position because she was not getting along with her new boss.

"I was incredibly stressed and in that negative state I quit my job and went straight out looking for a new job," sighs Amy. "I know now that it was the worse thing I could have done. I had to quit my job, but starting job hunting before I was ready for it was a big mistake."

When she started job hunting, Amy's heart was not in it. Understandably she did not find any position she liked. The weeks then the months passed by and she started to panic.

"I felt that I had to work, I had to have a job," explains Amy, "not just for the money but because a job had always given me identity. I just didn't want the identity of a single stay at home mom."

In desperation Amy started applying for jobs she did not like and her attitude must have been apparent because she received rejection slips for them all.

"Imagine how awful I felt being rejected for menial jobs," laughs Amy. "Yet it was a learning experience for me that I needed to go through."

Amy found out the hard way that anywhere is not always better than where you are now, but in quitting a stressful job she did put herself in a better place.

"Limbo was that better place," explains Amy. "It's the right place for me at this point in my life."

When Amy realized that her present situation was similar to another life experience she once had - in the relationships area - she started to relax.

"By drawing upon a past limbo experience I came to accept my unemployed status if not with equanimity then with a resignation that this is a situation I have to endure in order to recuperate from years of stress at a relentless job." explains Amy.

"I went through relationship limbo a few years ago following a really bad scene with a guy," explains Amy, "and while I hated not having a man in my life I actually became a much stronger woman as a result of being on my own. I came out of relationship limbo not needing a guy as badly as I once did. It was a great feeling. Very empowering."

"When I reached the point of realizing that my current job limbo situation is ultimately going to be as empowering for me as the relationship limbo I went through a few years ago," explains Amy, "I relaxed and enjoyed being a single stay at home mom."

"I'm just flowing freely," confides Amy, "enjoying having time to smell the roses and reconnect with my kids. I trust that the direction the universe turns me towards is going to be right for me, just like before."