test the proverbial waters!

Tonya is a happily married housewife and believes that the source of most women's misery is not the men who have let them down or the business people who have ripped them off but their own lack of care - even stupidity - for allowing such things to happen in the first place.

"Men are programmed to seduce women in the same way as business men and women are programmed to rip us off," laughs Tonya, "and to expect otherwise without concrete evidence to the contrary is behaving stupidly."

"Perhaps it's not so much innate stupidity as poor upbringing - failure of parents to teach children the ways of the world and to pay attention to their inner guidance," muses Tonya.

"I was raised by a mother who taught us every proverb that she had learned from her mother," says Tonya, "and I'm passing on the tradition with my children."

"Sure it's old fashioned and clichéd," laughs Tonya, "but there's an awful lot of truth in those old proverbs and it's a pity that they don't get taught to kids any more because their purpose is to protect us from our own stupidity."

"I've never been let down or ripped off or disappointed," says Tonya, "and I owe my plain sailing to all the old proverbs that my mother instilled into me as a little girl - and still reinforces whenever we meet!"

"Because I tended to be impetuous the most valuable of the old proverbs for me was 'look before you leap'," says Tonya.

"I just won't do anything in life without first investigating whether it is going to be good for me - or my family," says Tonya. "And if in doubt I just don't leap!"

"Yes, I suppose you could call me cautious," says Tonya. "But it's not natural caution. I had to learn it like everything else."

"I learned that a little caution - testing the waters - goes a long way towards saving lives and sparing misery."

"Nobody in their right mind gets into a hot bath without first dipping in their toes and then slowly submerging their bodies bit by bit into the water," says Tonya. "And yet in other far more dangerous situations some women get themselves into awful situations because they don't proceed with similar caution."

"These women only have themselves to blame for their miseries," says Tonya. "And the new cliché - seize the day - is misguiding a lot of otherwise intelligent women."

"I didn't have any sort of sexual relationship with my husband until I had been going out with him for six months," confides Tonya. "Sure it was difficult resisting temptation - and he kept on trying! - but it was important for me to test his commitment."

"If I had seized the day the moment I had met him there's no way that we'd be together today."

"Girls should realize that men don't value them if they're too easy," says Tonya. "And if it's love and marriage a girl wants then she should test the waters very gradually. I didn't allow Tom to kiss me until we'd known each other a month. It was worth waiting for!"

"With our parents' blessing Tom and I lived together for six months before marriage to assess our suitability," says Tonya. "I know that a lot of religions don't permit that - but any woman who marries a man without living with him day in and day out for a few months is asking for trouble."

"I also spent lots of time looking after my big sister's kids before deciding to have a family of my own."

"I've 'tested the waters' for everything else in my life," says Tonya. "On my mother's advice I refused to sign a contract when I started my first job. Instead I told them that I would work casually for two weeks to test whether it was what I wanted - and they agreed. If they hadn't agreed I wouldn't have taken the job because they were obviously hiding something from me - something I couldn't have gotten out of easily if I had signed the contract."

"Also, when Tom and I bought our house we had already lived in it as renters for six months," says Tonya. "Rather than taking our chances on a house we had to buy before checking it out as a permanent residence, we rented several properties with a view to purchasing and we loved this place so much that we bought it when our lease became due for renewal. We dealt directly with the owner and spared ourselves being ripped off by estate agents!"

"Sure there are plenty of times when I want to splurge and do something silly," says Tonya, "but I only allow myself to behave in this manner in a controlled environment where I am not likely to get hurt or ruin my reputation."

"In little everyday things like crossing the road we all test the waters - look before we leap," says Tonya, "so if more women remembered and practiced the 'road code' in every aspect of their lives I do believe there would be a lot less misery in the world."

"I don't like looking at, listening to, or being around women in pain," says Tonya. "And I test the waters in this respect, too. If a new woman moves into my area I avoid befriending her until I know she's as well-adjusted as I am. Friendship is a commitment as much as marriage is, and if my husband had to wait six months to win my trust then so do my girlfriends."

"Just as many women are pulled down by their girlfriends as their boyfriends," says Tonya, "and sharing some woman's self-inflicted pain is not my idea of friendship. That's what therapists are for."

"Tough? I'd prefer to call myself a proverbial survivor, " laughs Tonya. "My good fortune in life has not been through luck. It's been achieved by applying homespun knowledge to all situations - testing the waters - and as far as I'm concerned women who lurch from one misery to another are plainly stupid no matter if their IQ is 180."