friends, lovers and money

Annie is 42, divorced and lives with friends in an apartment. She likes to work for half the year and take the other half off to enjoy herself, and right now she's not working and looking for a nice guy to settle down with.

In order to keep on track Annie keeps a close watch on her savings, but admits that she’s a sucker for ‘lend me a dime’ line from friends and strangers, too!

"These guys," says Annie, "are always hard up, out of spare change, about to get paid or receive a windfall and just want a few dollars to tide them over. I meet them every day on the street - total strangers - some beggars but some well-dressed people, too, who just want a coin for this or that."

"The well-dressed types get a real buzz out of screwing passers-by out of a coin," laughs Annie. "I think they work on the premise that if they can con you out of a dime they can con anyone out of a lot more than a dime - and they will if given half a chance!"

"The most persistent ‘lend me a dime’ types," says Annie, "are my friends and family members but occasionally I meet a guy who takes me for a sucker. I really appreciate the joys of sharing with friends and helping them when they’re down on their luck, but some of them can be real screwers."

Annie always gets sucked in because she’s kind and generous, but she's well aware of the danger that these screwers can literally dime her to poverty if not death.

They don't even bother to say: "I'll pay you back, Annie". They just expect her to provide them with spare change, and then a fifty and then a hundred, as if inflation has increased so dramatically in a few weeks.

Annie tried to put a stop to this insidious manipulation by refusing to give anyone any money. She made it easier for herself by having no spare change at all. She usually does most of her purchasing by credit card now - but poor Annie even got screwed by credit card!

"My so-called best friend got hold of my card one day and chalked up several hundred dollars worth of credit card purchases," laughs Annie. "She claimed that she was going to pay me back, but she never even asked permission to use the card in the first place."

Annie now has several cards, with exceptionally low limits, and keeps them all well hidden from the screwers in her life.

Another type of screwer Annie seems to attract is the gift giver. Some guy buys her an unexpected gift in order to place her under obligation. It works all the time because Annie is a giving girl and is overwhelmed when someone does something nice for her. She feels obliged to give them back twice as much.

Annie could overcome this screwing obligation tactic by never accepting any gift that she would normally not reciprocate. If the screwer insists that she accepts the gift then she could let the guy know that she will only do so on condition that she can donate it to a worthy cause. That way, she will never feel under obligation.

Annie is a giver in time and effort as well as money. The ‘do me a favor’ friend always tends to be tied-up or in some unfortunate situation. His tactic is to gain Annie’s sympathy or assistance, or to actually excuse himself from giving her assistance.

"When I recently changed apartments," laughs Annie, "all but one of the friends I had helped in the past were strangely unavailable to help me shift my things!"

The screwers in Annie’s life have a propensity to ask abominable favors of Annie, especially after performing a minor favor for her. They do this to test her gullibility and eagerness to please. Annie really needs to request time to think about any demands on her money, time or person and maintain the right to say NO.

If the ‘do me a favor’ screwer is really insistent, then Annie needs to take a leaf out of his book and cite shortness of time or some unexpected problem as an excuse for not doing whatever he wants her to do.

Annie made her roommates laugh the other day when she told them that she had just received a telephone call from a guy she had dated for the first time the night before.

Rather than saying something sweet like "I miss you already", he had the audacity to ask her to pick up his dry cleaning as he was running late at work.

It was such a blatant manipulative ploy that Annie said "sorry, can’t do" straight away and very reluctantly decided to let the guy go. He was otherwise very nice. Had Annie acquiesced to this small favor, the mind boggles at what he would be asking her to do after their second date.

"Just because I’m not working right now, it doesn’t mean I’m available as a free domestic servant," explains Annie. "And just because I’m looking for a guy to settle down with, it doesn’t mean I’m willing to perform wifely duties before I’ve got a ring on my finger!"