open house friends

Lori is 27, divorced with two small children and works part-time during the week. Like most single working mothers she is finding it very difficult to get out and meet guys - and hopefully find Mr Right.

"It's very difficult for me to go out at nights to socialize, make new friends and hopefully meet a new guy," says Lori, "so I decided to make lemonade out of my sour situation by doing some entertaining at home."

"I'm far too busy at nights taking care of the kids to invite people over in the evenings," says Lori, "so I thought Sunday afternoons would be the best time for me, and everybody else."

"Initially I started entertaining out of loneliness, but as time went by and more and more people turned up at my Sunday afternoon lunches I started expecting that people would reciprocate - hold lunches at their place or invite me and the kids out."

"I guess as soon as I started having expectations, I got a bit down about the whole thing," confesses Lori.

"I started adding up the cost of providing lunch for a whole bunch of people, most of whom were total strangers, and then weighing the benefits I was getting out of it all."

"Yes, I was certainly meeting a lot of new people, men and women and their kids came, too, but I wasn't getting as much of a kick out of it any more and opening my house to strangers just seemed to close doors rather than open them."

"I started off by asking my friends to bring someone new with them every time they came," explains Lori, "and it wasn't long before these new people started coming on their own and bringing new people with them."

"Some Sundays I'd be providing lunch for a bunch of people I had only just known for a little while - they were nice and friendly, but hey, who wouldn't be nice and friendly when they're getting free lunch!"

"I'd be dropping hints all over the place about how nice it would be to get out with the kids and go somewhere," says Lori, "but just about everyone turned a deaf ear."

"In six months of entertaining," confesses Lori, "only two of my oldest friends reciprocated my generosity with a offer to go out with them. We went to the zoo one Saturday with one family, and the other family invited the kids and I over for a Friday night sleepover."

"Yes, my friends did come good as far as bringing along stray guys is concerned," laughs Lori. "Just about every Sunday some new guy would turn up and one hung around for a while but I wasn't interested in him. I guess the guys I'm interested in wouldn't want to be saddled with a single mother with two small kids."

"What really upset me, though, was the attitude of some of the new friends I made at my Sunday lunches," says Lori. "And women were the worst offenders."

"One of these new women friends blatantly used my Sunday lunches to find new dates," sighs Lori, "and I overheard another woman inviting most of my guests, male and female, to a party at her place later on. Neither of these women had ever invited me to their places. See what I mean about closed doors?"

"They just used my hospitality to their own advantage," says Lori, "and I felt used and abused."

"I suppose most if not all of my new friends were similarly inclined," sighs Lori, "and those two women just annoyed me because I was aware of what they were doing."

"Fed up with being used in this manner I suggested one Sunday that we should hold the lunches on a roster basis," says Lori.

"You could have heard a pin drop when I made the announcement!"

"Actually, one of my newest girlfriends thought it was a good idea and offered to hold a lunch at her place the following Sunday, but at that lunch nobody else offered to hold a lunch the next Sunday and I didn't say anything."

"Guess what?" laughs Lori. "I deliberately took the kids out for the day the Sunday after and when we got back home there was a note pinned to the door from a guy who had turned up expecting his usual free Sunday lunch!"

"He simply wrote 'where's everybody?' and left his number but I didn't call him. Why should I?"

"In the following weeks nobody called to say hello or enquire about my health," says Lori, "and of course nobody called to ask me and the kids out for a day."

"Looking back, it was fun at the start and it sure killed the loneliness bug," says Lori, "but after six months of providing free Sunday lunches for anyone who turned up I was well and truly sick and tired of being taken for a ride."

"Yes, I feel bad about so many people failing to reciprocate my generosity," confesses Lori. "When someone does something nice for me I always want to do something nice for them and I can't understand people who take from friendships and give nothing."

"When I analyze the situation, though, I suppose they thought they were doing me a favor by turning up at my Sunday lunches!"

"If nobody had wanted to come I would have felt lonelier than ever - so it's not all bad news."

"I'm spending my Sundays with my kids now and I don't particularly care about making new friends or meeting Mr Right. If nice people are out there, then they'll meet me at the playground pushing my kids on the swings!