the leading man
In the house Paula shares with four others, there is a dominant young man, Mark, and three subservient young women who defer to his every whim. Mark has tried to dominate Paula by charming her, but she is immune to his manipulations. She believes in being a lead player in her life not a bit part in someone else's.
"Mark is supposedly big in the music industry and part of his power is derived from promising jobs - or introductions to pop stars - to all the young women in his life," explains Paula. "I'm really saddened by the behavior of the girls I'm sharing with - they actually believe him!"
"They sit by the telephone waiting for some guy to ring, they camp at the mailbox waiting for some guy to write, and they sit by the door waiting for some guy to knock."
"The guy they are waiting for is either Mark or one of his industry friends with an offer they cannot refuse."
Paula has better things to do, even if it is washing her hair.
She believes that in all relationships - personal and workplace - there are always people who want to manipulate others into playing bit parts in their lives, and there are always people willing to give up their authenticity in order to gain a little bit of attention from someone they deem more important than themselves.
"The essence of independent women," says Paula, "is that they are always lead players in their own lives, not bit players in someone else's life."
"It’s difficult to be a leading player when you’re out of work and sharing accommodation like I am," laughs Paula, "but I'm doing my best. I aim for total independence and my current situation is merely a blip on an otherwise successful life."
"Independent women have no need to manipulate and no desire to follow," says Paula, "and I am doing my best to keep out of the politics involved in sharing accommodation with others."
As Paula explains, the leading player and bit part syndrome is not always a case of a nobody hitching her wagon to a star.
"The person manipulating others is as weak or weaker than those being manipulated," says Paula.
"Bit players give up their authenticity for the benefit of a manipulator who would have no life were it not for the bit players in it," explains Paula. "So, when you make someone your 'world', you are at their mercy and they, believe it or not, are at yours. It is an unhealthy symbiosis."
"When you don't know what you want in life or what your mission is," says Paula, "someone, somewhere is going to try to manipulate you into thinking you want what they want. But what they want is good for them, not you."
"By believing in Mark and sucking up to him," says Paula, "the girls are doing great things for his ego but absolutely nothing for themselves."
Paula points out that rather than taking charge of their lives and being lead players in it, these girls are wasting their time and energy on playing a bit part in Mark’s life.
Without them, Mark would be lost. Without Mark, they would be found.
"On a larger scale," says Paula, "we are all bit players in dramas generated by whatever government is in power, or whatever crisis is happening in the world."
"Yes, like everyone else I am saddened by global tragedies," says Paula, "but it is part of being an independent woman to be able to extricate yourself from this type of drama, too. I refuse to allow every political crisis, every flood, earthquake, fire, war or world calamity to poison my mind."
Paula believes that we can all start becoming leading players in our lives by refusing to play a bit part in someone else's life; by learning to meditate, by getting in touch with our core and enjoying our own company; by doing what we like to do, not what someone wants us to do; by saying NO and meaning it; by discovering latent talents and trying something new; by switching off politics and bad news; and by knowing the difference between what we can change, and can't, and accepting the latter without rancor.
And Paula hopes that in some small way she is setting a good example for the girls she shares a house with.
"If more women played leading roles in their own lives," says Paula, "and refused to play a bit part in someone else’s - usually a man’s - just imagine the difference that would make."
"Evil men are usually facilitated by docile women," explains Paula, "so to stop evil from proliferating in the world we need to raise the consciousness of women all over the world."
"Mark is supposedly big in the music industry and part of his power is derived from promising jobs - or introductions to pop stars - to all the young women in his life," explains Paula. "I'm really saddened by the behavior of the girls I'm sharing with - they actually believe him!"
"They sit by the telephone waiting for some guy to ring, they camp at the mailbox waiting for some guy to write, and they sit by the door waiting for some guy to knock."
"The guy they are waiting for is either Mark or one of his industry friends with an offer they cannot refuse."
Paula has better things to do, even if it is washing her hair.
She believes that in all relationships - personal and workplace - there are always people who want to manipulate others into playing bit parts in their lives, and there are always people willing to give up their authenticity in order to gain a little bit of attention from someone they deem more important than themselves.
"The essence of independent women," says Paula, "is that they are always lead players in their own lives, not bit players in someone else's life."
"It’s difficult to be a leading player when you’re out of work and sharing accommodation like I am," laughs Paula, "but I'm doing my best. I aim for total independence and my current situation is merely a blip on an otherwise successful life."
"Independent women have no need to manipulate and no desire to follow," says Paula, "and I am doing my best to keep out of the politics involved in sharing accommodation with others."
As Paula explains, the leading player and bit part syndrome is not always a case of a nobody hitching her wagon to a star.
"The person manipulating others is as weak or weaker than those being manipulated," says Paula.
"Bit players give up their authenticity for the benefit of a manipulator who would have no life were it not for the bit players in it," explains Paula. "So, when you make someone your 'world', you are at their mercy and they, believe it or not, are at yours. It is an unhealthy symbiosis."
"When you don't know what you want in life or what your mission is," says Paula, "someone, somewhere is going to try to manipulate you into thinking you want what they want. But what they want is good for them, not you."
"By believing in Mark and sucking up to him," says Paula, "the girls are doing great things for his ego but absolutely nothing for themselves."
Paula points out that rather than taking charge of their lives and being lead players in it, these girls are wasting their time and energy on playing a bit part in Mark’s life.
Without them, Mark would be lost. Without Mark, they would be found.
"On a larger scale," says Paula, "we are all bit players in dramas generated by whatever government is in power, or whatever crisis is happening in the world."
"Yes, like everyone else I am saddened by global tragedies," says Paula, "but it is part of being an independent woman to be able to extricate yourself from this type of drama, too. I refuse to allow every political crisis, every flood, earthquake, fire, war or world calamity to poison my mind."
Paula believes that we can all start becoming leading players in our lives by refusing to play a bit part in someone else's life; by learning to meditate, by getting in touch with our core and enjoying our own company; by doing what we like to do, not what someone wants us to do; by saying NO and meaning it; by discovering latent talents and trying something new; by switching off politics and bad news; and by knowing the difference between what we can change, and can't, and accepting the latter without rancor.
And Paula hopes that in some small way she is setting a good example for the girls she shares a house with.
"If more women played leading roles in their own lives," says Paula, "and refused to play a bit part in someone else’s - usually a man’s - just imagine the difference that would make."
"Evil men are usually facilitated by docile women," explains Paula, "so to stop evil from proliferating in the world we need to raise the consciousness of women all over the world."
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