enabling or supportive parents?

Like thousands of people around the world, Camille, now 32, lost her job with a major airline company following the 9/11 tragedy. It was a double whammy for Camille as she was still grieving from the death of her fiancé, Joseph, the year previously.

Luckily, Camille had returned to live with her parents after Joseph’s death, so she has had their continuing support for both tragedies. But as the years rolled by and Camille didn't pick herself up, one must question whether her parents' support has merely 'enabled' her continuing grief and self-pity.

Camille calls herself a widow even though Joseph died before they had legalized their relationship. They had lived together for three years and were man and wife in every respect, bar a piece of paper. At first Camille wondered how she could ever live without Joseph, but with her parents’ support and the daily routine of her job she pulled through.

Camille had loved her job, it was exciting, it kept her mind off her grief and it promised to last the distance. Losing her job, her rock, sent her into a spin from which she has not yet recovered.

How we approach job loss seems to be dependent upon how much we liked our old job; how financially secure we are; and how emotionally secure we are. Camille's worth as a human being was not exactly determined by her job, but it was very much integral to her being -- it gave her a level of status that she desperately needed.

For status conscious women, like Camille, a week out of work means a week out of the social whirl associated with work, and a month out of work means social death.

For Camille, this social death quickly brought to the surface all of the pain she had suffered a year earlier following Joseph’s death.

"Of all friends," says Camille, "there are none so fickle as co-workers. Some may be willing to keep in touch with a fired colleague for as long as it takes for her to find a new job, but most will adopt an out of sight out of mind approach. The only friends from work who were still in contact with me a month after the firing were those in the same boat as myself. Those who still had jobs appeared not to want to know us any more."

Lurching into manic activity to find a new job can therefore indicate a lot more than financial insecurity. When people lose jobs they also lose status. Finding a new job quickly, though, was not an option for Camille. The entire airline industry was shattered by the events of 9/11.

Most people who lose jobs have at least three month's worth of savings or insurance to tide them over, and Camille was luckier than most in that money wasn’t a problem. She was an only child and her parents were only too happy to support her.

There is a great deal to gain from taking a rest between jobs - whether we liked our old job or not - but Camille’s rest took the form of a deep depression.

"First I lost Joseph," explains Camille, "then I lost my job and all the social whirl that went with it, and now all I do is sit home watching movies. It helps to numb the pain."

Most people benefit from a long break between jobs, but in Camille’s case it might have been better for her to have lurched into manic activity to find a new job. Any job, or indeed the job search process itself, would have given her a focus. Keeping busy was the way she successfully coped with Joseph’s death, and keeping busy doing anything could have helped her through job loss, too.

"If any other airline was hiring," explains Camille, "I would have applied for a new job, but the whole industry was laying off staff after 9/11."

Camille had the desire for a new job, but not the opportunity.

Rather than looking at a new direction -- some other type of job to train for -- Camille chose to sink into depression and dwell in the past. Her parents didn’t urge her to get out and about. They just let her be. Ordinarily, this type of behavior is very supportive, but in Camille’s case even a low status job could have helped her.

Like a rebound relationship, the rebound job is merely a transition, a bridge between what we had and what we want, and providing that both employer and employee are happy with the arrangement it can be a wonderful healer.

There's no right or wrong way to cope with job loss, or any sort of loss. It all depends on the individual, and it also depends on what the universe is throwing at us, too.

It’s hard to imagine sitting at home watching television and movies as a routine capable of pulling Camille through job loss in the same way that the routine of her job pulled her through Joseph’s death, but anything is possible.

Asked whether she had any friends other than those she had worked with, Camille replies in the negative.

"My whole life had revolved around Joseph and my job," explains Camille, "all of my friends were co-workers."

Asked whether she’s still receiving support from the co-workers who had been laid-off at the same time as her, Camille shrugs.

"Immediately after the lay-off we spoke on the telephone every day," explains Camille, "but as time wore on they got on with their lives and I never hear from them now."

It would appear that Camille’s most painful loss had been the social status and social whirl that went with her job. She feels totally cast off from everyone except her parents, but unfortunately there comes a time when 'support' becomes 'enabling' of a negative mindset and that's what Camille's parents fear they have done.

Another option for Camille, should she not want to find a transition job in another industry, is to do voluntary work - especially in an area where she could meet people worse off than herself.

Camille’s life experiences have indeed been very unlucky, yet she has supportive parents, no financial worries, excellent health and her future employment prospects are good. A lot of people lack all of these blessings and yet get back on track quickly -- so maybe Camille's blessings have been, in fact, a curse.

Ordinarly, it would be kind to assume that Camille will come to this conclusion herself, but after such a long period of time spent in grief and self-pity her parents really have a duty to stop 'enabling' this negativity and to start 'supporting' their daughter in a new direction.

9/11 inspired new direction

Before 11 September 2001, Theresa was at a loss to know what to do with her life. Her children were growing up and doing more things for themselves, her husband was getting more engrossed at work and she was desperate for a new direction.

"The 9/11 tragedy shook me out of limbo in a most unusual way," says Theresa. "I read an article that said nobody knows the correct year let alone the month, day or time of Osama bin Laden's birth in the Gregorian calendar, and when I saw that astrologers were having a field day guessing when that day might have been I was suddenly inspired to apply myself to studying astrology."

"I don't know whether I am good enough yet to become a professional astrologer," says Theresa, "but having been inspired to go this route I am following it."

If it is true that it takes a thief to catch a thief then being herself a Libran may give Theresa's research more credibility than that of other astrologers analyzing Osama.

"Having never heard him speak very much - or watched him move," says Theresa, "I only have his head to work on. And with a turban covering his hair (does he have any?) and a beard covering his chin (ditto?) there is very little of his face to see, but what I can see is quite remarkable."

Despite the atrocities he is accused of masterminding, Theresa could not help noticing how good looking the guy is.

"Had he been born into another family, religion and country he could have become a Hollywood star. And deep down in his psyche he probably knows this," says Theresa.

"When you cannot help noticing how good looking someone is the first time you see them, the two sun signs (or influences) that stand out are Taurus and Libra," says Theresa.

"Because bin Laden's good looks are of the intellectual air type rather than the sensuous earth type, I guessed straight off that he was a Libran (or heavily influenced by Libra)."

When Theresa heard that the two most favored dates for his birthday made him a Piscean or a Leo she was skeptical.

":A Piscean maybe, but he does not come across as having the arrogance and bon homie of a Leo."

Needing to give more substance to her intuitive guess, she then proceeded to do some research on the man and the prevailing planetary scenario of the times.

"Saturn in Gemini at the time of 9/11 would have placed a heavy burden, a communication limitation or responsibility in the 9th solar house of a Libran," says Theresa, "and that was true for me, too!"

"That covers the mental, physical and spiritual development of Librans."

"At the time of 9/11 bin Laden was going through the usual mid-life crisis of a Saturn opposition,"says Theresa. "Thirty years before 9/11, when Saturn was last in Gemini, he was about 14 and experiencing puberty, and seeing how young boys in his culture are indoctrinated by religion, imagine the impact of a Saturn opposition on the psyche of a Libran's physical, mental and spiritual development during puberty!"

"Is it possible that bin Laden's midlife crisis in 9/11 was nothing more than a re-run of the mental, physical and spiritual ordeal he suffered 30 years ago?" asks Theresa.

"Is Saturn and his religion sitting like a wet blanket on his mental, physical and spiritual development, opposing his natural urges and forcing him to take an unnaturally hard line?"

Rather than being stuck in a cave in Afghanistan communicating Saturnine misery and destruction to the world, Theresa believes he would rather be in Hollywood with a starlet on both arms!

"This is probably how he felt when he was 14 but was forced by his religion, and Saturn's influence, to become something else," says Theresa, "but maybe those virgins awaiting him in Paradise are far more alluring than anything Earth can ever offer!"

"Pluto in Sagittarius was pulling to shreds and transforming the 3rd solar house of Librans in 2001," explains Theresa. "That covers self-expression, short trips, brothers and sisters."

"I've read that bin Laden's terrorist exploits have caused him to be ostracized by his many brothers and sisters - all of whom are half siblings, Osama being the only child of his mother," says Theresa.

"It is likely that he has always felt alone, without true brothers and sisters, and what he is doing now may be his way of proving himself, gaining their respect."

"Unfortunately, what is glorious to him is shameful to his family so bringing the bin Laden name into public prominence in this manner is very much a Pluto thing," says Theresa. "Tear something down, transform it and give it new life."

"Short trips? Well," says Theresa, "spending every night in a different cave over the years as a way to escape detection is also very much a Scorpio Pluto influence on the 3rd solar house."

"And communication? Well," says Theresa, "preaching death and destruction and the victory of Islam over the infidels would appear to be very much a Pluto in Sagittarius thing as expressed through the 3rd solar house of a Libran."

"Mars in Sagittarius for most of 2001 up until two days before 11 September would have given drive and impetus and even war-like qualities to the Pluto in Sagittarius religious transformation that many Librans were feeling compelled to express as part of their 3rd solar house energy," says Theresa. "I had a bit of an epiphany about that time, too!"

"Neptune in Aquarius roughly translates to confusion, illusion and deception in group associations and in the Libran fifth house it relates to creativity, romance and children," explains Theresa. "What was going on with the various warring groups in Afghanistan - desertions, betrayals and reversals of alliance -seems to definitely equate with Neptune in Aquarius."

"In bin Laden's personal sector of creativity, romance and children this confusion, illusion and deception could mean that he was leading his children astray, allying them with false associations, and misspending his creative and romantic juices on deceptive, elusive and possibly worthless causes - rather like me at the time," laughs Theresa.

"Uranus in Aquarius added instability, violence and possibly insanity, to the above," says Theresa, "and Jupiter in Cancer at the time roughly translates to a fortunate home and family life - and in Libra's 10th solar house of aims and social status Jupiter at the time conferred boundless enthusiasm and faith for whatever is desired."

"If popular astrology can be believed then bin Laden was on a winner in this respect. Possibly another country, Iraq or Iran, offered him a haven, and a new power base for him and his family?"

"Bearing in mind that Librans are likely to be not only good looking but also charming and charismatic," explains Theresa," bin Laden seems to have all of those traits as well the typical impeccable manners and quietly spoken yet demagogue traits of Librans."

"He definitely likes to see and hear himself speak and also strongly appeals to prejudices."

"Another Libran trait is a desire for company and bin Laden has plenty of that," says Theresa. "He's not out there on his own. He has a close coterie of minders and thousands of followers. Who else but a charismatic Libran can inspire such loyalty?"

"And what about the Libran reputation for amore? asks Theresa. "Hmmm, how many wives does the man have? And how many virgins are waiting for him in Paradise when he dies? And do those gay rumors have any substance? And if all of his children are teenagers, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Also, Librans are noted for being very lazy and manipulative - very good at getting others to do their dirty work for them," laughs Theresa. "This rings true of me and Osama!"

"And finally the scales of justice, that tip one way or another, and are so rarely ever balanced in Librans," sighs Theresa.

"We tend to throw all of our energy into something and totally neglect everything else, ultimately to our detriment and those around us."

"That a man with an almost indecent amount of wealth chooses to live in caves and espouse terrorist causes appears to be a case of a pair of Libran scales that are very badly unbalanced," sighs Theresa.

"If he is a Libran then he has the cold, hard analytical streak of Virgo in his twelfth house of secrets like I do," says Theresa. "He has a plan and that plan appears to have something to do with spearheading a religious revolution He probably wants to be known as a prophet, a visionary."

"He is no action man. He is all air."

"That all Librans around the age of 44 in 2001 were not out there living in caves and following bin Laden's example doesn't detract from my theory," says Theresa. "Only a Libran with bin Laden's family, cultural, religious, economic and health problems was likely to behave in the manner he did."

"If his health is seriously impaired then the man probably has a death wish to boot."

"I rest my case," laughs Theresa. "Either he's a Libran (or heavily influenced by Libra) or he was just a guy having a really, really bad mid-life crisis in which we all became unhappy and unwitting participants."

Theresa is now applying astrology to sorting out her own life. It may be an unusual new direction but it seems to be working well for her!

check out the exits

Shelley is 28 and happily single. She believes that many of the messes we get ourselves into are recoverable from because an exit exists - either being there from the beginning or appearing fortuitously down the line.

"It's the situations that don't have exits that get us into deep trouble," laughs Shelley.

"I have a thing about freedom," explains Shelley, "and I figured out very early in my life that it wasn't smart to get into places or situations that had no exits or didn't allow me to turn back. Unlike George Bush, I go into everything with an exit strategy!"

"My parents had a thing about locks and security," laughs Shelley, "so it was a battle of wits between them and me from the start."

"I was a typical tomboy - climbing trees and getting myself in and out of scrapes, " laughs Shelley, "but my greatest fun was escaping from the house at night."

"They'd lock me in my bedroom and put screws in the window to prevent me escaping, " explains Shelley, "but although sometimes it took me all night to escape I always managed to pick the lock or unscrew the screws!"

"When I grew up this desire for freedom - or fear of being locked up - stayed with me."

"I just wouldn't get into a situation that didn't have an easy exit, " explains Shelley.

"When 9/11 happened I felt sick to my stomach at all those people who were trapped in the building," says Shelley. "I never imagined an airliner crashing into a skyscraper but I had always avoided living or working in a tall building because it would be difficult to escape from."

"Sure it has been very difficult finding a place to live or work in the city that has an easy escape route," says Shelley, "but so far I have managed to avoid very tall buildings and after 9/11 you wouldn't even catch me in any building that doesn't have a fire escape right outside my window!"

"It's not just physical freedom that I crave, " explains Shelley. "It's psychological freedom too. I can't function well when I feel trapped in a situation. Even if there is an open door in sight I need to be able to come and go as I please and a lot of employers - and people generally - don't like that."

"I really believe that my good fortune - having no history of miseries - is due to my ability to check out the exits before I enter any situation."

"I don't care much for money so I don't mind if breaking a lease or a contract in order to get out of a bad situation costs me money," says Shelley. "And I wouldn't worry if I lost everything in a stock market crash - it's just money and I think it's so sad when people kill themselves or go crazy over money loss."

"It's physical and psychological imprisonment that I avoid like the plague."

"I hate being in a situation where I cannot get up and leave when I feel claustrophobic," says Shelley. "If an employer objects to my leaving a building when I feel like it I just move on - and same thing for dormitory rules. Places like that are nothing more than prisons!"

"Also, I don't often get in cars driven by other people," adds Shelley. "Except for taxis, I don't want to be a prisoner in someone else's car - especially on long trips when I can't easily get home if I want to."

"As for sailing," adds Shelley, "I wouldn't get in a small boat because I'm a poor swimmer but I'd feel OK on an ocean liner if I could check out the life boats."

"Flying is the only exception to my 'check out the exits' rule because it's the most convenient way to travel," explains Shelley, "and also because if something dreadful happened then I wouldn't be dying alone."

"I'd get into a plane faster than I'd get into someone's car because if a terrorist hijacked us I'd feel safer with a heap of people than one or two people."

"Death is the final exit, " laughs Shelley, "and I keep an eye on that too!"

"It seems to me that the situations that cause women most misery are situations they can't get out of easily," explains Shelley, "and of these I think having a child is the most dangerous."

"Becoming a mother has no exit - other than death - yours or the child's," says Shelley. "Once a mother you're a mother for life and for this reason I will never have children."

"Marriage has divorce as an exit but some relationships - legal or otherwise - have very bad exit prospects," says Shelley, "and for this reason I do a thorough check of the guys I get involved with to make to make sure they're not control freaks."

"Buying property - especially in an area with a slow sales rate - can be a disastrous trap," says Shelley. "I would hate to be stuck with a property that I couldn't get rid of so I avoid that fate by renting."

"Borrowing money comes second to having a baby in my no exit situations," says Shelley. "If you borrow too much you could be in debt for the rest of your life with absolutely no exit other than prison for defaulting."

"And prison - even for a short sentence - would be reason enough for me to wish I were dead. It's not called a punishment without good reason - loss of liberty is the worst possible fate in the book of life."

"Because loss of liberty is so horrible, it's crazy that so many girls dream of such an existence - via marriage and children - wanting to have all the things I avoid," sighs Shelley.

"It's no surprise to me - and it should be no surprise to them - that most of these girls end up as miserable as sin stuck in a heavily mortgaged house on the edge of nowhere with a domineering tyrant for a husband and more children than they can properly care for."

"Imagine trying to escape from that mess," sighs Shelley "You could walk away but you'd be riddled with guilt and looking over the shoulder for the rest of your life on the run wouldn't you?"