my three hats
Bernice is 27 and is proud to be a member of the fasting growing group of women in the past fifty years -- not just a single working mother, but a high income one, too!
"As a single working mom I have a triple identity -- I wear three separate and distinctive hats," says Bernice. "I feel comfortable defining myself not just as a mother but also as a working woman and a single woman because each role is integral to my being."
"It makes little difference whether I'm earning a high income or a low one," says Bernice. "My life as a single working mother would be basically the same."
"Of course, there are single working mothers who aren't earning huge salaries and can't afford a nanny to look after the kids and a housekeeper to look after the house," says Bernice. "But a lot of single working moms do enjoy financial help and childcare assistance from their children’s father or the state."
"The point I am trying to make is that money is really not the issue here because all single working moms share the same basic problems that I face."
Bernice is not exactly typical of all single working mothers because she earns a high salary and has no financial problems, but she maintains that money is very rarely the major problem of being a single working mother - it's either finding reliable childcare or loneliness.
Bernice sees her role as a mother being far more important than her two other roles, yet she is careful not only to maintain these two roles for the integrity of her own identity but also to keep them separate from her role as a mother.
For instance, Bernice does not bring work home and she doesn't bring her dates home either. And, when at work or out on a date - which does not happen often - she does not prattle on endlessly about her children. She is very careful about keeping her roles strictly separate.
Naturally, most of Bernice's spare time when she is not working is devoted to her children. Her children are still young so they go to bed before 9pm, and the time between the children's bedtime and her own bedtime a few hours later is exclusively her own.
"It's the loneliest time of my day," sighs Bernice. "All of the money in the world is not going to change that for me."
In this short space of time, Bernice attempts to look after her interests as a single woman. If she's not chatting with a girl friend about recent dates, or arranging reciprocal babysitting with them for an upcoming date, she's chatting with some guy in order to maintain her role as a single woman.
"No," explains Bernice, "I am not looking for a commitment or even a relationship. That would not work out well with my present life. I don’t want to expose my children to a series of men. I just enjoy dating and the occasional comfort of a man's arms around me."
Bernice has a number of years to go before her children are reasonably independent, capable of looking after themselves at home, so loneliness is something she is going to have to get used to.
She sees her status as a single working mother to be purely temporary - until the children are older -and she understands what lies ahead.
"There will be eighteen years of single motherhood followed by a period of being an empty nester," laughs Bernice, "and only after my children leave home permanently will I have the opportunity of concentrating wholly on myself."
Bernice is fully aware that her time as a mother of small children is limited.
She is very proud to be able to support them, give them priority in her life and a good start to a life of their own.
"I am happy to wait until their lives are on track before striving for a more exciting and demanding personal life for myself," explains Bernice. "I do appreciate that being a single working mother is going to drag me down from time to time but having made that choice I can live with it."
"I'm often called a superwoman," laughs Bernice, "but I don't aim to have it all. I know that a relationship is totally out of the question right now."
"I'm also aware," laughs Bernice, "that by the time the kids are reasonably independent I may be too old to have a relationship - heck, I may be even too old to maintain my high profile job!"
"Knowing this," adds Bernice, "I am thankful for a high paying job now because if nothing else I will be able to retire early in relative financial ease."
"And that's a lot better future than being an old bag lady, isn't it?"
"As a single working mom I have a triple identity -- I wear three separate and distinctive hats," says Bernice. "I feel comfortable defining myself not just as a mother but also as a working woman and a single woman because each role is integral to my being."
"It makes little difference whether I'm earning a high income or a low one," says Bernice. "My life as a single working mother would be basically the same."
"Of course, there are single working mothers who aren't earning huge salaries and can't afford a nanny to look after the kids and a housekeeper to look after the house," says Bernice. "But a lot of single working moms do enjoy financial help and childcare assistance from their children’s father or the state."
"The point I am trying to make is that money is really not the issue here because all single working moms share the same basic problems that I face."
Bernice is not exactly typical of all single working mothers because she earns a high salary and has no financial problems, but she maintains that money is very rarely the major problem of being a single working mother - it's either finding reliable childcare or loneliness.
Bernice sees her role as a mother being far more important than her two other roles, yet she is careful not only to maintain these two roles for the integrity of her own identity but also to keep them separate from her role as a mother.
For instance, Bernice does not bring work home and she doesn't bring her dates home either. And, when at work or out on a date - which does not happen often - she does not prattle on endlessly about her children. She is very careful about keeping her roles strictly separate.
Naturally, most of Bernice's spare time when she is not working is devoted to her children. Her children are still young so they go to bed before 9pm, and the time between the children's bedtime and her own bedtime a few hours later is exclusively her own.
"It's the loneliest time of my day," sighs Bernice. "All of the money in the world is not going to change that for me."
In this short space of time, Bernice attempts to look after her interests as a single woman. If she's not chatting with a girl friend about recent dates, or arranging reciprocal babysitting with them for an upcoming date, she's chatting with some guy in order to maintain her role as a single woman.
"No," explains Bernice, "I am not looking for a commitment or even a relationship. That would not work out well with my present life. I don’t want to expose my children to a series of men. I just enjoy dating and the occasional comfort of a man's arms around me."
Bernice has a number of years to go before her children are reasonably independent, capable of looking after themselves at home, so loneliness is something she is going to have to get used to.
She sees her status as a single working mother to be purely temporary - until the children are older -and she understands what lies ahead.
"There will be eighteen years of single motherhood followed by a period of being an empty nester," laughs Bernice, "and only after my children leave home permanently will I have the opportunity of concentrating wholly on myself."
Bernice is fully aware that her time as a mother of small children is limited.
She is very proud to be able to support them, give them priority in her life and a good start to a life of their own.
"I am happy to wait until their lives are on track before striving for a more exciting and demanding personal life for myself," explains Bernice. "I do appreciate that being a single working mother is going to drag me down from time to time but having made that choice I can live with it."
"I'm often called a superwoman," laughs Bernice, "but I don't aim to have it all. I know that a relationship is totally out of the question right now."
"I'm also aware," laughs Bernice, "that by the time the kids are reasonably independent I may be too old to have a relationship - heck, I may be even too old to maintain my high profile job!"
"Knowing this," adds Bernice, "I am thankful for a high paying job now because if nothing else I will be able to retire early in relative financial ease."
"And that's a lot better future than being an old bag lady, isn't it?"
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