empty nest can be bliss!
Lola is 42 and divorced with a daughter of 20 who recently left home to marry and start a family of her own.
"Life in the empty nest without children can be absolute bliss," says Lola, "and even if you are totally alone at home like I am, you will find that living alone and eating alone can be pleasurable."
"Once a single empty nester accepts the knowledge that a phase of her life is now over," explains Lola, "she can move on to a new phase in her life and enjoy it with renewed vigor."
"At first I felt a bit lonely," admits Lola, "but that's only natural."
"Knowing that Marie is living close by is an enormous help. She keeps in touch and drops in regularly, so I'm a lot better off than empty nesters whose children turn their backs on their parents and only call when they want something."
"After all the excitement of Marie's wedding I was pleased to have a bit of peace and quiet," laughs Lola, "but it wasn't long before I started to assess what I'm going to do with the rest of my life."
It dawned on Lola that moving to a smaller place would definitely be a good idea. She had gained the family home in the divorce settlement and while it provided a stable environment in which she could raise her daughter, it was not the ideal environment for a 42-year old empty nester.
"I know that the biggest mistake a lot of single empty nesters make is to sell up and move away from a familiar area way too soon," explains Lola, "so I was determined to take my time and do things slowly."
"The advice all people facing change get from therapists is to take things slowly, make no drastic changes and to wait at least a year before putting yourself through another drastic change," says Lola, "and it's really good advice."
"I needed to know exactly where I wanted to go, and what type of place I wanted to live in before I even contemplated moving," says Lola, "and I felt that a year was a good time frame in which to make up my mind."
"The early empty nest experience for me," explains Lola, "was not so much missing Marie and living on my own but being faced with what to do with the rest of my life."
"I started off feeling that the year ahead was going to be tough for me," confides Lola. "I expected to go through all sorts of feelings before I reached a sense of peace and knowing what I want to do with my life, but it wasn't like that at all."
Actually, the next few months were very easy for Lola.
"I was so busy at work and socializing after work that I hardly had time to think about my future at all," confesses Lola.
"Marie had a few early marital problems," says Lola, "and helping her sort things out took a lot of my time, too. I really didn't have bags of time to think about myself, and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life."
"Actually, I kind of resented the fact that Marie came to me with so many of her problems," says Lola.
"I know I'm still a mom, but she's married now and the understanding is that she has a life of her own that shouldn't include me on such an intimate level. I felt she should be working out her problems with her husband, not with me."
"I had a strong need in the early months of being an empty nester to do exciting things with my life," says Lola. "All single working moms complain about not having enough time to have fun, and I felt that at 42 I was still young enough to do crazy things. And I did!"
One of the more adventurous things Lola did as an early empty nester was to learn how to ride a motorbike. Ironically, she was on a course with five young men about the same age as Marie and they thought she was really cool.
"Marie, of course," laughs Lola, "thought I was a silly old fool for doing such a crazy thing as learning how to ride a motorbike."
With renewed vigor and a glorious self-confidence she had not experienced for years, Lola pushed her boundaries further and further.
"I applied for, and gained, a new job with better pay and prospects," laughs Lola. "And I bought new clothes and I had a transforming makeover that took years off my appearance."
Without Marie at home to cramp her style, Lola also started entertaining a lot more. As a result, she met more unattached men than she ever thought existed in her little town, and she was showered with attention.
By the time six months had elapsed, Lola was thoroughly enjoying her new life. Being an empty nester, especially a single empty nester, was not so bad after all.
"In those six months I also decided to stay in the old family home," says Lola. "If I should ever meet the right guy I suppose I'll be selling up and buying a new place with him, but until then I see no reason to change my lifestyle."
"I wouldn't be able to entertain heaps of people in a small place," explains Lola, "and because I really love partying this place is ideal for me."
"Life in the empty nest without children can be absolute bliss," says Lola, "and even if you are totally alone at home like I am, you will find that living alone and eating alone can be pleasurable."
"Once a single empty nester accepts the knowledge that a phase of her life is now over," explains Lola, "she can move on to a new phase in her life and enjoy it with renewed vigor."
"At first I felt a bit lonely," admits Lola, "but that's only natural."
"Knowing that Marie is living close by is an enormous help. She keeps in touch and drops in regularly, so I'm a lot better off than empty nesters whose children turn their backs on their parents and only call when they want something."
"After all the excitement of Marie's wedding I was pleased to have a bit of peace and quiet," laughs Lola, "but it wasn't long before I started to assess what I'm going to do with the rest of my life."
It dawned on Lola that moving to a smaller place would definitely be a good idea. She had gained the family home in the divorce settlement and while it provided a stable environment in which she could raise her daughter, it was not the ideal environment for a 42-year old empty nester.
"I know that the biggest mistake a lot of single empty nesters make is to sell up and move away from a familiar area way too soon," explains Lola, "so I was determined to take my time and do things slowly."
"The advice all people facing change get from therapists is to take things slowly, make no drastic changes and to wait at least a year before putting yourself through another drastic change," says Lola, "and it's really good advice."
"I needed to know exactly where I wanted to go, and what type of place I wanted to live in before I even contemplated moving," says Lola, "and I felt that a year was a good time frame in which to make up my mind."
"The early empty nest experience for me," explains Lola, "was not so much missing Marie and living on my own but being faced with what to do with the rest of my life."
"I started off feeling that the year ahead was going to be tough for me," confides Lola. "I expected to go through all sorts of feelings before I reached a sense of peace and knowing what I want to do with my life, but it wasn't like that at all."
Actually, the next few months were very easy for Lola.
"I was so busy at work and socializing after work that I hardly had time to think about my future at all," confesses Lola.
"Marie had a few early marital problems," says Lola, "and helping her sort things out took a lot of my time, too. I really didn't have bags of time to think about myself, and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life."
"Actually, I kind of resented the fact that Marie came to me with so many of her problems," says Lola.
"I know I'm still a mom, but she's married now and the understanding is that she has a life of her own that shouldn't include me on such an intimate level. I felt she should be working out her problems with her husband, not with me."
"I had a strong need in the early months of being an empty nester to do exciting things with my life," says Lola. "All single working moms complain about not having enough time to have fun, and I felt that at 42 I was still young enough to do crazy things. And I did!"
One of the more adventurous things Lola did as an early empty nester was to learn how to ride a motorbike. Ironically, she was on a course with five young men about the same age as Marie and they thought she was really cool.
"Marie, of course," laughs Lola, "thought I was a silly old fool for doing such a crazy thing as learning how to ride a motorbike."
With renewed vigor and a glorious self-confidence she had not experienced for years, Lola pushed her boundaries further and further.
"I applied for, and gained, a new job with better pay and prospects," laughs Lola. "And I bought new clothes and I had a transforming makeover that took years off my appearance."
Without Marie at home to cramp her style, Lola also started entertaining a lot more. As a result, she met more unattached men than she ever thought existed in her little town, and she was showered with attention.
By the time six months had elapsed, Lola was thoroughly enjoying her new life. Being an empty nester, especially a single empty nester, was not so bad after all.
"In those six months I also decided to stay in the old family home," says Lola. "If I should ever meet the right guy I suppose I'll be selling up and buying a new place with him, but until then I see no reason to change my lifestyle."
"I wouldn't be able to entertain heaps of people in a small place," explains Lola, "and because I really love partying this place is ideal for me."
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