need-free survival

Most of us have an uphill battle becoming free of wants, so imagine the magnitude of the challenge that Phoebe has set herself. She aims to become free of all needs.

"I aim to become an independent woman leading a simple life that is rich in everything that really matters," says Phoebe.

Phoebe appreciates that a lot of women aren’t clear about the difference between wants and needs.

"We want a top job, a perfect mate, a trendy pad, a Ferrari, a big fat bank balance and we want to look like Elle McPherson," laughs Phoebe, "but if we really needed any of those things we would die without them so we are obviously quite okay falling short in all of these wants."

In aiming to become more independent, Phoebe is discovering her key values and she started off by becoming free of wants. Ultimately, she aims to become free of needs.

"Our wants," explains Phoebe, "are basically trappings and have no real value other than that which society places upon them - or, more to the point, the value to which an advertisement can appeal to our base instincts."

"Our wants, are generally those that we have Buckley's chance of attaining; and our needs are generally those that we would die without."

The epitome of freedom, independence and enjoying a balanced and authentic life is, according to Phoebe, to become need-free.

"Can you imagine being at a stage in life where you have freed yourself not only of wants but also of needs?" asks Phoebe. "It sounds daunting, doesn't it, but once you've started on the road to freedom and independence you'll find like I have that becoming need-free is not as difficult as you first imagined."

"Every woman," says Phoebe, "has it within her power to get the basics of living under control - a simple roof over her head, simple food, simple clothes and simple pleasures."

"You are need-free," explains Phoebe, "when your basic needs are met and you have no debts, no need to work, no need to strive harder and work longer hours in order to earn more money, no need to be the best worker, no need for burdensome people in your life, no need to own things or people, no need to be famous or beautiful, no need for substances that do you harm and cost you money, no need to have more of anything. You already have all you need!"

"Someone who is free of needs," says Phoebe, "has successfully prioritized things that no amount of money can buy such as good health, high self-esteem, friendship, love, appreciation, joy, peace, time to reflect and time to make a difference."

Phoebe has many of the above blessings in her life right now, but she gave up a great deal of what the rest of us consider to be 'essentials' in order to attain them.

"It is difficult," Phoebe concedes, "to give up a dependent lifestyle - dependent upon others for our happiness and dependent upon consumer goods for even more happiness - but nothing compares with the happiness of independence and being need-free."

Whereas other women assess themselves by their wealth - their assets and trappings - Phoebe assesses her wealth by all the things that money cannot buy. She believes that nobody can be independent and free when they have too much material wealth.

"It is true in some respects," concedes Phoebe, "that money can buy freedom - if you live under an oppressive regime and want to flee to another country - but in real terms people with a lot of money worry more than people with no money, and they are essentially trapped by their wealth."

Phoebe is concerned that so many women approaching old age complain about poverty and believe that their lives would be happier with more money.

"These women have skewed thinking," laughs Phoebe, "because no amount of money will buy them the happiness they crave."

"True poverty is a lack of good health, high self-esteem, friendship, love, appreciation, joy, peace, time to reflect and time to make a difference," says Phoebe, "and there are lots of money-rich people in the world who are desperately poor in these respects."

By 'Vogue' standards Phoebe may look poor, but she is definitely overflowing with wealth in the things that count.

"I've never been happier," laughs Phoebe.

taurus women love money!

Ella owns and runs a beauty salon. She bought out the previous owner after having worked at the salon for only three years. In that time, she had learned all the ropes of the business and knew all the clients. It was a guaranteed successful investment for her. In her words, "it was as easy as pie."

"I was definitely in the right place, at the right time," says Ella. "Everything fell into my lap."

As if to balance the lack of risk involved in her business - or to capitalize on her winning streak - Ella has taken up gambling. She picks lucky numbers and colors from daily horoscopes, and admits to having had a fair bit of luck in that respect, too.

Ella is a Taurus and says that the bull does not depict her sign without good reason. Ella hates the color red, but is willing to wear it if her horoscope says it is a lucky color. Asked whether she snorts, the salon girls shouted "yes she does" and Ella good-naturedly laughed.

Ella admits to having the typical Taurus physique and nature. She is pleasantly plump and, yes, bovine in nature, reasonably docile and placid until provoked and then she exhibits a real bullish streak. And, yes, she is easily milked of her money. She is a soft touch, literally and figuratively. But then she has a lot to throw around and give away.

"I admit to buying the business for no other reason than to make a lot of moolah," laughs Ella. "And, no, I don't work hard at all. I'm just the front for the business. My accountant and the girls do all the work."

As far as money is concerned, Ella knows how to make it and spend it. When it comes to knowing how to keep it, however, she just does not have a clue other than investing in real estate - at which she excels. Ella owns three investment properties. She is a big spender and thinks nothing of losing a thousand dollars in a gambling bet.

Ella is very sentimental, and has a long-standing problem with her mother. If you can pull her away from her gambling long enough for a chat, she will tell you how her mother abandoned her when she was 14 and how she will never forgive her for that.

Also, Ella is prone to be a bit hypersensitive in arguments, taking things too personally, but otherwise she can be a compassionate advocate.

What is really amazing about Ella is that she is always the first one out of the door at night and has no workaholic tendencies whatsoever. She loves her home - and her investment properties - and adores luxury and leisure.

"Getting enough money together to be able to enjoy life to the full now - and when I'm old and grey - is all that matters to me," says Ella.

As far as love is concerned, Ella is still looking for it at 32. She is very fussy about whom she associates with romantically, and while she says that she doesn't particularly care about money - it's just a vehicle to buy the things she desires - she is concerned about being fleeced of her fortune in a bad marriage.

"At the rate I'm going," laughs Ella, "I will probably remain single for the rest of my life.

Ella is really not a typical businesswoman - and she's not a typical beautician either. She is not particularly charming to her clients but nevertheless they keep on coming back.

"I am tough, I can be very cruel sometimes and I never forgive people who cross me, " admits Ella. "I don’t care if the grudges I carry go with me into the next life. I believe in reincarnation and that being my belief my grudges will return in the soul of another in order to wreak revenge on those who have wronged me - or their descendants."

Ella agrees with the stars when they say it is extremely unwise to cross a Taurus. She is generally slow to provoke but once that has been achieved there is no stopping her.

"Hopefully I am nowhere near a china-shop when I blow my stack," laughs Ella.

Owning and running a beauty salon is something that suits her for the time being but she feels she is destined for a bigger role in life.

"I want to enter politics one day and gain governance over a wider group of people than my immediate staff," confides Ella. "I like bossing people around. I like being the boss."

Obviously, to become a successful businesswoman and to manage staff efficiently you need certain attributes and Ella possesses what it takes.

Her weak spot is that she hates being alone. She can and must temper that awful temper of hers if she is to be able to achieve her ultimate goals in entering politics. Most people around Ella are treading on eggshells, fearful of arousing her wrath, but she agrees that if everyone left her alone she would die of misery.

Ella is very much attracted to a lawyer right now and is eagerly reading her stars to see when she should next contact him and what color she should wear at their meeting.

"He's rich so a marriage with him would be appropriate," muses Ella, "but he's an Aries and I'm a bit worried about him being too headstrong for me."

When asked why she puts so much faith in astrology Ella replied with a snort: "Did you know that Ronald Reagan when he was president made every decision on the advice of astrologers?"

(Ella's story first appeared as the lucky hairdresser and is reprinted with permission.)

friends, lovers and money

Annie is 42, divorced and lives with friends in an apartment. She likes to work for half the year and take the other half off to enjoy herself, and right now she's not working and looking for a nice guy to settle down with.

In order to keep on track Annie keeps a close watch on her savings, but admits that she’s a sucker for ‘lend me a dime’ line from friends and strangers, too!

"These guys," says Annie, "are always hard up, out of spare change, about to get paid or receive a windfall and just want a few dollars to tide them over. I meet them every day on the street - total strangers - some beggars but some well-dressed people, too, who just want a coin for this or that."

"The well-dressed types get a real buzz out of screwing passers-by out of a coin," laughs Annie. "I think they work on the premise that if they can con you out of a dime they can con anyone out of a lot more than a dime - and they will if given half a chance!"

"The most persistent ‘lend me a dime’ types," says Annie, "are my friends and family members but occasionally I meet a guy who takes me for a sucker. I really appreciate the joys of sharing with friends and helping them when they’re down on their luck, but some of them can be real screwers."

Annie always gets sucked in because she’s kind and generous, but she's well aware of the danger that these screwers can literally dime her to poverty if not death.

They don't even bother to say: "I'll pay you back, Annie". They just expect her to provide them with spare change, and then a fifty and then a hundred, as if inflation has increased so dramatically in a few weeks.

Annie tried to put a stop to this insidious manipulation by refusing to give anyone any money. She made it easier for herself by having no spare change at all. She usually does most of her purchasing by credit card now - but poor Annie even got screwed by credit card!

"My so-called best friend got hold of my card one day and chalked up several hundred dollars worth of credit card purchases," laughs Annie. "She claimed that she was going to pay me back, but she never even asked permission to use the card in the first place."

Annie now has several cards, with exceptionally low limits, and keeps them all well hidden from the screwers in her life.

Another type of screwer Annie seems to attract is the gift giver. Some guy buys her an unexpected gift in order to place her under obligation. It works all the time because Annie is a giving girl and is overwhelmed when someone does something nice for her. She feels obliged to give them back twice as much.

Annie could overcome this screwing obligation tactic by never accepting any gift that she would normally not reciprocate. If the screwer insists that she accepts the gift then she could let the guy know that she will only do so on condition that she can donate it to a worthy cause. That way, she will never feel under obligation.

Annie is a giver in time and effort as well as money. The ‘do me a favor’ friend always tends to be tied-up or in some unfortunate situation. His tactic is to gain Annie’s sympathy or assistance, or to actually excuse himself from giving her assistance.

"When I recently changed apartments," laughs Annie, "all but one of the friends I had helped in the past were strangely unavailable to help me shift my things!"

The screwers in Annie’s life have a propensity to ask abominable favors of Annie, especially after performing a minor favor for her. They do this to test her gullibility and eagerness to please. Annie really needs to request time to think about any demands on her money, time or person and maintain the right to say NO.

If the ‘do me a favor’ screwer is really insistent, then Annie needs to take a leaf out of his book and cite shortness of time or some unexpected problem as an excuse for not doing whatever he wants her to do.

Annie made her roommates laugh the other day when she told them that she had just received a telephone call from a guy she had dated for the first time the night before.

Rather than saying something sweet like "I miss you already", he had the audacity to ask her to pick up his dry cleaning as he was running late at work.

It was such a blatant manipulative ploy that Annie said "sorry, can’t do" straight away and very reluctantly decided to let the guy go. He was otherwise very nice. Had Annie acquiesced to this small favor, the mind boggles at what he would be asking her to do after their second date.

"Just because I’m not working right now, it doesn’t mean I’m available as a free domestic servant," explains Annie. "And just because I’m looking for a guy to settle down with, it doesn’t mean I’m willing to perform wifely duties before I’ve got a ring on my finger!"