Know when to fold them
To Tanny, relationships are like a game of cards – you’ve got to know when to hold them, and when to fold them - and because her new guy was starting to affect her behavior in a deeply worrying way she decided that it was time to fold him before she became a leach. Recovering from a whirlwind four week relationship has been harder than she thought it would be.
“I was deeply affected by this guy and I did the right thing to cut him loose – I boosted his already huge ego to the extent that I was losing my own sense of self,” says Tanny. “I knew he wouldn’t stop to consider why I wanted to end the relationship, or offer to meet me half way – he’d just shrug and move on.”
“He was totally selfish, but in the nicest possible way of course - he wanted me to admire him, and I did, to the point of becoming obsessed with him, and this was so unhealthy for me,” says Tanny. “I needed to free myself from his orbit before I became a pathetic leach.”
“I’m a week out of the relationship right now and it’s not as easy as I thought it would be,” says Tanny. “He was such a magnetic personality, so vibrant and intelligent – my life without him is now so dull – but I managed to live well before I met him and I am determined to live even better without him, no matter how long it takes!”
“The risk I face is running into him or a mutual friend before I am fully recovered,” says Tanny. “I have no idea how I will cope with that, so I am not deliberately putting myself in places where I could run into him – but by the same token I can’t stay home in perpetual fear of that happening.”
“Deleting hundreds of our messages is the first thing I did,” says Tanny. “The love-struck girl who wrote those messages is not who I am any more, or ever was. I was under his spell – drugged by love!”
“If I had kept those messages the temptation would be to read them over and over again and that’s no way to get over someone, especially someone whose written words were magic, too,” sighs Tanny. “It did occur to me that he is definitely going to be famous one day, and I may live to regret deleting his messages to me, but what the hell – I come first now.”
“As for the many pics he sent me, well, they are his pics not mine, I am not in them, and he probably sent them to a million other people and because they hold no personal emotional tugs on my heart like his messages to me do, I don’t need to delete them right now – but maybe I should.”
“I am still not sleeping well - I guess that’s because he electrified my body all of the time I was with him,” says Tanny, “and I’m eating a whole lot more to keep up my strength because of lost sleep. Somehow I make it to work and back, and that’s my first week of recovery.”
“Just because I folded the relationship doesn’t make it any easier – in fact it makes it harder,” says Tanny. “He didn’t hurt me in any way, he was just on a different planet and I didn’t belong up there in the clouds with him, if you get my drift.”
“I’ve planned to do a few exciting things with friends next week and by then I expect to be feeling more like my old self,” says Tanny. “I just hope they are not going to bring his name up all the time – that wouldn’t be helpful – but I can’t control what they can or cannot say to me, and ultimately I am going to have to live with my decision.”
“And it was my decision. I must never forget that I was smart enough to know that things weren’t right and he would never be mine in the way any normal girl wants a guy to be.”
“The emotional effect he had on me has taught me something new about myself – something I don’t like,” says Tanny. “And why I was ever attracted to someone on a different planet is also something new, maybe telling me that I need to get out of a rut and become as interesting as he is.”
“People come into our lives for so many different reasons – it’s early days yet, but I have a good feeling that I will emerge from this breakup a stronger person, far more in touch with my needs than I was before.”
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