get your act together
Zena, 25, had terrible trouble being manipulated by guys until she got fed up with it all and decided to take control of her life.
"It meant celibacy and avoiding all guys for two years," explains Zena, "but I emerged a really strong person from the exercise."
"To get your act together," says Zena, "you can either wait passively for the passage of time to ease your hurt, or you can rely hopefully on the activities of others who, like termites or borers, may do you a good turn without an express desire to do so."
"Alternatively, you can take responsibility for your predicament and work backwards from the last guy who hurt you to the very first guy who screwed up your life you and painfully re-live every incident with the purpose of making a commitment to learn from every trap you fell into."
"There are two things I kept in mind the whole time I was getting my act together," confides Zena.
"Firstly, I fell into those traps not because I was stupid, but because I had been indoctrinated since childhood into being a 'good girl' - which means I had been set up by society to be a sucker."
"Bad guys are very good at assessing human behavior, especially female behavior," says Zena, "and they capitalize upon our 'goodness'. Knowing this, I didn't make my situation worse by putting myself down. I told myself constantly that despite what I had been manipulated into doing I was still a smart and worthwhile person."
"Secondly," confides Zena, "I kept it in mind at all times that I was vulnerable and like a wise wounded animal I needed solitude to lick my wounds."
"Another 'sucker' type of behavior we have been indoctrinated in is to seek help and talk about our troubles, " says Zena.
"For some troubles this may be helpful, but for getting your act together the last thing you need is to expose yourself to being screwed by another predator -- even if he wears a white coat -- and having your self-respect diminished further than it is already."
"Before I got my act together," confides Zena, "I would bleat like a lamb to anyone who would listen every time I got hurt. And guess what? Most people gloated over my miseries and made me feel worse."
"In fact, a faith healer actually told me that I was in a mess because it was my karma and I had to work through it."
"Karma my foot!" laughs Zena. "That woman just wanted me to keep on being a 'good' girl so that she could rip me off and keep me under her thumb like the guy who had treated me badly."
"Once you tell people you're in trouble, or they see you're in trouble," explains Zena, "some of them have an almost indecent desire to rip you to shreds like a hyena does to a wounded animal."
"I'm not stupid and I never deserved any of the hurts I suffered," claims Zena, "and I'm appalled at the behavior of the people I once turned to for help."
"When everyone is down on you and you're getting deeper and deeper into trouble," explains Zena, "it's easy to believe you must be stupid or under some sort of karmic influence, but you're not."
"I've seen 'good' women who have been pushed from pillar to post all of their lives and they end up in such a state that they actually become unworthy of manipulation," says Zena. "I wasn't going to let that happen to me."
Zena makes the point that only valuable people get hurt or screwed.
"Hitting rock bottom may be one way to avoid being hurt or screwed," laughs Zena, "but that's how really stupid people end up and because I wasn't stupid I determined that I wasn't going to end up like that."
"I started getting my act together by recognizing just how incredibly valuable I was," confides Zena.
"I took responsibility to protect my value and increase it tenfold. I took myself out of circulation, away from all the screwers in my life, and healed myself."
"After two years of taking care of myself, I am now virtually immune from screwers."
"Conceivably," muses Zena, "there's an ideal world ahead where all 'good' women get their act together and there's nobody left for the screwers to hurt."
"If such an ideal world were to eventuate, then either the screwers of the world will have to screw each other to death or they will be forced to adapt their ways to be more like the rest of us."
"Basically," says Zena, "I live by three truths. First, the more valuable you are the more vulnerable you are to being screwed."
"Second, the more people in your life the more your chances of being screwed."
"Third, the more you’re screwed the more vulnerable you become to being screwed further."
"It's tempting to give away worldly goods, wear sackcloth and become a cave-dwelling hermit isn't it? laughs Zena.
"But chances are that you'll come across a screwer who covets your cave or your ability to live without human company."
"He will want to manipulate you into allowing him to move into your cave, and he will do this by manipulating you into falling in love with him."
"And then, of course," says Zena, "he will leave you and you will be devastated."
Zena estimates that only ten per cent of men are decent and honest, so a woman's chances of meeting a screwer at some stage in her life are high.
"Mostly," says Zena, "we come across the 'nice' screwers who just upset our lives temporarily and then move on - and ultimately we can laugh about our experiences with them, but when we come across a 'rotten' screwer our lives get really screwed up."
"As long as women are aware of screwing tactics - and take reasonable precautions - there is no reason to worry," says Zena.
"I am now fully recovered and enjoying life, dating casually, and I've put the 'good' girl well and truly out of my system."
"If that makes me a 'bad' girl or a bitch, then hooray for that!"
"It meant celibacy and avoiding all guys for two years," explains Zena, "but I emerged a really strong person from the exercise."
"To get your act together," says Zena, "you can either wait passively for the passage of time to ease your hurt, or you can rely hopefully on the activities of others who, like termites or borers, may do you a good turn without an express desire to do so."
"Alternatively, you can take responsibility for your predicament and work backwards from the last guy who hurt you to the very first guy who screwed up your life you and painfully re-live every incident with the purpose of making a commitment to learn from every trap you fell into."
"There are two things I kept in mind the whole time I was getting my act together," confides Zena.
"Firstly, I fell into those traps not because I was stupid, but because I had been indoctrinated since childhood into being a 'good girl' - which means I had been set up by society to be a sucker."
"Bad guys are very good at assessing human behavior, especially female behavior," says Zena, "and they capitalize upon our 'goodness'. Knowing this, I didn't make my situation worse by putting myself down. I told myself constantly that despite what I had been manipulated into doing I was still a smart and worthwhile person."
"Secondly," confides Zena, "I kept it in mind at all times that I was vulnerable and like a wise wounded animal I needed solitude to lick my wounds."
"Another 'sucker' type of behavior we have been indoctrinated in is to seek help and talk about our troubles, " says Zena.
"For some troubles this may be helpful, but for getting your act together the last thing you need is to expose yourself to being screwed by another predator -- even if he wears a white coat -- and having your self-respect diminished further than it is already."
"Before I got my act together," confides Zena, "I would bleat like a lamb to anyone who would listen every time I got hurt. And guess what? Most people gloated over my miseries and made me feel worse."
"In fact, a faith healer actually told me that I was in a mess because it was my karma and I had to work through it."
"Karma my foot!" laughs Zena. "That woman just wanted me to keep on being a 'good' girl so that she could rip me off and keep me under her thumb like the guy who had treated me badly."
"Once you tell people you're in trouble, or they see you're in trouble," explains Zena, "some of them have an almost indecent desire to rip you to shreds like a hyena does to a wounded animal."
"I'm not stupid and I never deserved any of the hurts I suffered," claims Zena, "and I'm appalled at the behavior of the people I once turned to for help."
"When everyone is down on you and you're getting deeper and deeper into trouble," explains Zena, "it's easy to believe you must be stupid or under some sort of karmic influence, but you're not."
"I've seen 'good' women who have been pushed from pillar to post all of their lives and they end up in such a state that they actually become unworthy of manipulation," says Zena. "I wasn't going to let that happen to me."
Zena makes the point that only valuable people get hurt or screwed.
"Hitting rock bottom may be one way to avoid being hurt or screwed," laughs Zena, "but that's how really stupid people end up and because I wasn't stupid I determined that I wasn't going to end up like that."
"I started getting my act together by recognizing just how incredibly valuable I was," confides Zena.
"I took responsibility to protect my value and increase it tenfold. I took myself out of circulation, away from all the screwers in my life, and healed myself."
"After two years of taking care of myself, I am now virtually immune from screwers."
"Conceivably," muses Zena, "there's an ideal world ahead where all 'good' women get their act together and there's nobody left for the screwers to hurt."
"If such an ideal world were to eventuate, then either the screwers of the world will have to screw each other to death or they will be forced to adapt their ways to be more like the rest of us."
"Basically," says Zena, "I live by three truths. First, the more valuable you are the more vulnerable you are to being screwed."
"Second, the more people in your life the more your chances of being screwed."
"Third, the more you’re screwed the more vulnerable you become to being screwed further."
"It's tempting to give away worldly goods, wear sackcloth and become a cave-dwelling hermit isn't it? laughs Zena.
"But chances are that you'll come across a screwer who covets your cave or your ability to live without human company."
"He will want to manipulate you into allowing him to move into your cave, and he will do this by manipulating you into falling in love with him."
"And then, of course," says Zena, "he will leave you and you will be devastated."
Zena estimates that only ten per cent of men are decent and honest, so a woman's chances of meeting a screwer at some stage in her life are high.
"Mostly," says Zena, "we come across the 'nice' screwers who just upset our lives temporarily and then move on - and ultimately we can laugh about our experiences with them, but when we come across a 'rotten' screwer our lives get really screwed up."
"As long as women are aware of screwing tactics - and take reasonable precautions - there is no reason to worry," says Zena.
"I am now fully recovered and enjoying life, dating casually, and I've put the 'good' girl well and truly out of my system."
"If that makes me a 'bad' girl or a bitch, then hooray for that!"
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